Breaking Area man opens group chat, ages four years · Study finds 100 percent of dogs unaware it is Wednesday · Local reply guy promoted to reply manager · Nation’s toddlers announce indefinite nap strike · Man who said “let’s circle back” never seen again · Cat filibusters household budget meeting for ninth week · Neighborhood squirrel declares self landlord of oak tree ·
Breaking Lead story
Man Confidently Points At Grill He Has No Idea How To Operate
Witnesses report the man gestured at the burners with total authority, said “she’s a beauty,” and then stood there in silence for eleven minutes.
The Backyard Desk · Filed moments ago
The man, pictured Sunday, moments before asking whether propane “just knows what to do.”
The full report, plus today’s funniest finds from every corner of the internet, is filed below. Read the columns, follow the links, laugh quietly at your desk. That is the entire product.
Today’s desks
Nation
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Entire Town Pretends To Understand New Roundabout
Civic affairs
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Weather Report Delivered With Unearned Certainty
Forecast desk
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HOA Newsletter Enters Third Paragraph About Bins
Neighborhood
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Local Dad Finds Thermostat Touched, Opens Inquiry
Household
Opinion
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I Would Simply Not Have Done That, Says Man Who Would Have
Guest column
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In Defense Of Leaving The Party Without Saying Goodbye
Editorial board
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My Toddler’s Review Of Dinner: One Star, Thrown
Letters desk
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It Is Too Late To Ask This Coworker’s Name
Workplace ethics
Internet
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Group Chat Reaches 400 Messages, Zero Decisions
Comms desk
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Man Types “Haha” With Completely Straight Face
Field report
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Video Call Ends After Traditional Four Goodbyes
Remote work
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Wi-Fi Goes Down, Family Meets For First Time
Connectivity
“I read the whole front page at my desk without making a sound. My coworkers believe I was working. This paper protects me.”
A reader, quoted on condition of anonymity
From the Hall of Fame
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Man Waves Back At Person Waving At Someone Else, Commits To It
Hall of Fame · Social errors
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Umbrella Turns Inside Out At Worst Possible Moment, As Is Tradition
Hall of Fame · Weather
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Smoke Alarm Chirps Once, Waits For Family To Relax, Chirps Again
Hall of Fame · Household
Found something funnier than this? The desk accepts tips and complaints in writing only. Write to the editor